he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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