I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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