we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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