Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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