try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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