In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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