return my video game
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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