plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize