what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize