My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize