I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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