Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize