your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize