I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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