Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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