Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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