we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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