I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize