I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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