Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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