You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this hospital has no fireball
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize