The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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