I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize