You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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