Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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