so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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