I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize