I cannot find my penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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