ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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