omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sober January is a disaster.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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