woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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