I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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