I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize