god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You left your phone here
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