I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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