Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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