i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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