If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize