If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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