It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't shave. On purpose
i love accidental penises.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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