I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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