U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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