another moral hangover. fuck.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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