The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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