i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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