I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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