i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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