i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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