until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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