well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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